11/04/2008

ゴルフ・ジョーク2本


大統領選挙の前日、ゴルフ仲間から(どういうタイミングか?)ゴルフ・ジョークが2つ、別々にe-mailで送られて来ました。
記念にupしときます。(笑)


1本目は、メールの題名が「ゴルフ・ユーモア」で、
ジョークの題名が、「ゴルフ・パンティー」です。


Subject: Golfing Humor

Golf Panties.

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place
her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of
underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?',
Ole demanded. Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money
to afford any.' The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and
says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some
underwear.'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?' She
replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.' Patrick reaches
into his pocket and says , 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go
and buy yourself some underwear!'

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt
over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta
affarrd any.' The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer
the love 'o decency, here's a comb..... Tidy yerself up a bit.

日本語に訳すのはちょっとはばかられるような内容なのもありまして止めときますが、このジョークは国別のイメージとオヤジ的なエロネタさが入り混じっていて、すれすれのところを楽しんでいます。

訳しはしませんが、補足の解説を入れておきます。


最初のスエーデン人の妻と言うのは、タイガー・ウッズにも代表されますが、セクシーな美しい妻というイメージがステレオタイプになっています。

2人目のアイルランド人のイメージと言うのは、すこし貧しい感じ。
米国では、消防士さん肉屋さんとかに多いらしいです。後からの移民が多くて、なかなかいい仕事に就けなかったので、そういうことになったみたいです。緑色のビールとかクローバーとかが有名です。
パドレイグ・ハリントンがそうですね。

3番目のスコットランド人っていうのは、田舎者のださいイメージなんですよね。
サンディ・ライルがそうですが。
このジョークで可笑しいのは、オチもさることながら、Scottish訛りをうまく表現した見慣れない英語の綴りが可笑しいんです。発音綴りってやつですね。


***


2本目は、メールの題名が「USGAルールの変更」で、
ジョークの題名が、「USGAから全てのゴルファーへのお知らせ」です。

って、いうか、グループでは一番ローハンディキャップ(ハンディキャップ・インデックスで2.2)の人から来たので、最初ジョークだと思わなくて、真面目に読み始めてしまいました。(^^;

11月4日から施行されるかも知れない、USGAルールの変更点のお知らせです。
(・・・かも知れないって。(笑) のっけから。)


Subject: Change in USGA rules

THE USGA WOULD LIKE TO INFORM ALL GOLFERS

There is a possibility of MAJOR rule changes to the game of golf, this
may occur sometime after November 4. This is only a preview as the
complete rule book is being written now. Here are a couple of basic
changes.


Golfers with handicaps:

- below 10 will have their green fees increase by 35%
- between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees
- above 18 will play for free and even get a check from the club/course
played



The $ amount put in for bets will be as follows:

-for handicaps below 10 an additional $20
-between 11 and 18 no additional amount
-above 18 you will receive the total amount in the pot and you do not
even have to play.


The term "gimme putt" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be
used as follows:

-handicaps below 10, no entitlements
-handicaps 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts
-handicaps above 18, if on green, no need to ever putt, just pick it up


These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness in scoring so
that the final scores of all players will be about the same.


In addition, a Player will be limited to a max of one birdie and/or six
pars, any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not
yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie
or par from the player making the birdie or par, can that Player begin
to count his score again.


The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above
purposes but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring
those players with handicaps 18 and above. This is intended to
"redistribute" the success of winning by making sure that in every
competition the above 18 handicap players will post only "net score"
against every other player's gross score.


These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf. Golf must
be about Fairness Only, it should have nothing to do with Ability.


Steve x. xxxxxx
xxx-xxx-xxxx (home)
xxx-xxx-xxxx (cell)

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これが、最後に署名まで入って送られて来まして。(笑)
丁寧に、家の電話番号と携帯の番号も書かれていました。

どうしろと?(笑)


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